Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
