I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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