There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
