lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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