I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
