she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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