cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
