You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
