i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
