I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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