will power is for people who don't want to get laid
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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