i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
