There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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