Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
