i think i have herpe
just one?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
