tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
