areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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