She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
