Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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