I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
