It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
