Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
