Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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