This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
