A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
