And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Pooping to opera.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
