I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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