I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
