guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
