I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
