I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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