you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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