we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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