Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drinking out of a sandbucket again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
