You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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