Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
