A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
