i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
