Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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