i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
