I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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