She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
