there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
