i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
