No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
