i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
