I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
