well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
