i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
