my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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