Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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