there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
