I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
