So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
