I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
