How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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